T. A. Chase

“Oh my God,” Herb groaned as he bit into the spongy yellow cake. He licked the cream from his lips.

The stranger had been right. Twinkies were proof there was a God and He loved humans. Why had no one ever told him about these wonderful little yellow cakes filled with delicious cream? Or those black and white cookies yummy on their own, but when dunked in milk, they became other-worldly.

He moaned again as he unwrapped and ate another Twinkie.

“Herb, what’s going on in here?”

Looking up, he grinned as Jessie, one of the new hires to the pharmaceutical company Herb worked for, walked in. She eyed the half devoured snack in his hand.

“Are you eating a Twinkie?”

He nodded joyously. “These are marvelous. Have you had one before?”

She sat down across the table from him. “Of course, I did. My brothers, sisters, and I used to beg our parents to get these as our treats at night. Though my oldest brother always wanted Oreos instead.”

Jessie shook her head, obviously confused as to what would possess anyone to choose a cookie over a Twinkie.

“Oreos are amazing. I stopped by the grocery store on my way home last night and bought a bunch of these snacks along with milk and cookies. I never knew how wonderful these could be. All I ever thought about, really, was all the things that are in it that are bad for you.” He bit his bottom lip and paused. “I’m doing it again.”

“Doing what?” Jessie braced her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand to study him.

“I’m babbling. I have a bad habit of talking a lot without letting anyone else talk. But God, I can’t believe my cook at home never gave me one of these. You know, the guy I met yesterday afternoon, was the one who told me about them. I thought, hell, he was so incredibly gorgeous, these treats can’t be all that bad. Of course, he ate two hot dogs from a vendor on the corner.” He wrinkled his nose.

“Wow, he must like to live dangerously. I wouldn’t eat one of those if my life depended on it. I’ve heard all the horror stories about what’s in those things. Two of my siblings are doctors and they’ve given the rest of us a list of all the foods that are really bad for us.”

Herb held out one of his Twinkies to her. She took it with a smile. He liked her, even though he hadn’t had much time to talk to her. They would probably end up working together. His research section needed more man-power and Jessie came highly recommended from her college professors. She still had to finish her doctorate, but Herb knew it wouldn’t be long until people would be calling her Dr. Jessie Davidson.

“Hmmm…” Jessie hummed as she bit into the cake, as enthralled with the Twinkie as he was.

“I know. Aren’t they marvelous?” He tossed his empty wrapper onto a pile of transparent plastic.

Poking the pile, she glanced at him. “How many of these things have you had, Herb?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I bought two boxes last night. I must have eaten one whole box last night, then I brought the other box for lunch today. Plus I have Oreos as well. Would you like some of those?” He pushed over the lunch box he’d brought with him. “Jessie, have you ever been kissed?”

“Ummm….”

“Maybe I shouldn’t be asking you these things. I mean, we just met the other day, but you’re the only person close to my age, though you are older than me. If I’m making you uncomfortable, please tell me. I don’t have any idea of how to talk to people. I was an only child and went to a private school where the other kids laughed at me. I’m way smarter than most people, which makes them jealous, so they tended to make fun of me.”

“Herb.” Jessie reached out and placed her hand on Herb’s. “Take a deep breath. I’m thinking so much sugar might not be a good thing for you.”

“The sugar doesn’t have anything to do with my talking. I always talk this way. Gosh, you’re pretty. You remind me of the guy I met yesterday. He kissed me. Did I tell you that all ready?”

And what a kiss it was. Perfect in every way, though Herb had no benchmark to compare it with, but it was wonderful. He got hot just thinking about it and the guy who kissed him.

“You kissed some guy you just met that day?” Jessie frowned. “Do you usually work that fast?”

“Fast? What are you talking about? I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me. Wait, was I not supposed to let him do that? It wasn’t like he was a serial killer or anything. I mean he had a badge, so I assume he was a cop or something like that. I guess he could have been a security guard. Do security guards have badges?”

His thoughts dashed through his head. There hadn’t been anything threatening about the guy. God, if he had been a jerk, he would have walked away from Herb as he rambled on, but though he looked a little shell-shocked, much like Jessie did at the moment, he didn’t seem irritated by Herb’s diarrhea of the mouth.

“I told him he was totally hot, and then I panicked because he could have been straight and I didn’t want to get my ass kicked. That’s happened a few times to me.” He slumped in his seat, fingering one of the plastic wrappers.

“I have been kissed, but you have to promise not to tell my brothers. I’m the baby of the family and they don’t like to think that I’ve grown up. I’m not a virgin either.” She winked at him and stood, wandering over to the vending machine to buy a soda.

As much as he wanted to blurt out that he was a virgin, he managed to gain control of his wayward tongue before he admitted his shame. He fidgeted while Jessie returned to the table.

“So what did this man among men look like?” She crossed her legs and settled back, folding her arms over her chest.

Herb closed his eyes and brought up an image of the man in his mind. “Tall. I mean really tall, like 6’5” or so, and big, but not fat big. He seems really muscular. He wore a suit, and I didn’t get a really good look at his body, though he seemed fit. He had dark hair and dark eyes like you. He’s older than both of us.” He grimaced. “Not like middle aged old or anything like that. He’s mature and didn’t treat me like a complete idiot.”

A low chuckle burst from him and Jessie raised an eyebrow at him. He waved his hand.

“I think I saved his phone from meeting an untimely death. I’d been following him for a block or two, watching as he grumbled and fiddled with the thing. When he stopped at the curb and clutched it in his hand, I just had this feeling he was going to throw it into the street. I couldn’t let that happen. It was a really nice piece of technology.”

Jessie narrowed her eyes. “Where did you meet this paragon?”

“Uh.” He screwed up his face, trying to remember where he’d ended up on his walk from the library to the subway station. Herb tended to get lost easily because he didn’t pay close enough attention to where he was going.

“I think I was about three blocks away from one of the police stations. The only reason I remember that was because I saw several uniformed men wandering into one of the buildings. God, some men shouldn’t be allowed to wear uniforms. It’s enough to make a man drown in drool.”

A curious expression passed over her face. “Did you get a number or a name even?”

“No. I completely forgot getting anything like that, and I don’t think, even though he kissed me, he’d be interested in me. I do know his mother was upset about him not having seen his baby sister in a month and the fact that he hasn’t been to family dinner for a while. He said he had a big family and he was the oldest.”

Heaving a sigh, Herb crumpled the wrappers up and pushed his chair back to stand. He tossed them away in the trash and packed up the rest of his lunch. Jessie chugged her soda and threw the can in the recycle bin. They left the lunchroom and wandered back toward the lab where they’d been working.

Herb needed to get his head back on his experiments, but thoughts of his first kiss wouldn’t leave him alone. Grabbing his lab coat off the hanger from the back of the door, he slipped it on and handed Jessie hers.

“You know what? I think you should come with me to one of my family dinners. I have a pretty big family as well. My mom would love you and I’d love for you to meet my oldest brother.”

“Why? Is he gay? Are you one of those people who try to set your gay brother up with every gay man you meet? Because I don’t think that’s right. I think the two people should have something in common before they go on a date. You didn’t say a date, did you? I’m making assumptions. You just said to come for dinner.” Herb took off his glasses and polished them carefully before setting them back on his nose.

Jessie started laughing, arms wrapped around her stomach and bent over, barely managing to stay on her feet. He ignored her and went back to his tests. Finally, when she wiped the tears from her cheeks and caught her breath, she walked over to him and set her hand on his shoulder.

“I’m not laughing at you. I think you’d be perfect for my brother. He tends to be a very serious kind of guy and you would shake up his perfect little world.” Jessie hugged him. “Just come to dinner with me one Sunday. I promise you won’t regret it. Even if things don’t work out between you and Chuck, I’d like you to meet my family. You and I are going to be good friends, Herb.”

“Do we have anything in common? Chuck must be smart. He is your brother after all. I might be inexperienced, but I have to think there needs to be more than just both of us being intelligent.”

“Out of the Twinkies and the Oreos, which ones do you like better?”

What kind of question was that? He thought about his answer carefully.

“After having tasted plenty of both of them, I have to say my favorite is the Oreos.”

She clapped her hands in triumph. “There you go. Chuck’s favorite nighttime snack is Oreos and a glass of milk right before bed.”

Hmmm…he wasn’t convinced that sharing a favorite snack food was the best basis for a relationship, but he was tempted to go and experience a true family dinner. He’d never had one when he was still living at home. He’d more often than not eat his meals alone or in the kitchen with the cook.

It could be an interesting field study to see how normal families interacted with each other.

“I guess I could come sometime. I’d have to check my schedule to make sure I didn’t have anything else going on.” Herb lied through his teeth.

He didn’t have a schedule because he rarely did anything besides work and hang out at his apartment playing video games. He was pretty sure he could fit dinner in at some point.

“Great. I’ll ask my mom what day would be best for her and get back with you.”

She sounded excited and Herb couldn’t help getting a little hyped up about it as well. Maybe he’d get a new friend out of this, if not a date.