The Ball- Part Five

The Ball (c) 2006 T.A. Chase

Part Five-

“What have you got to lose?”

His question burns in my mind. I sit at the table and listen to my father rant about me going to the ball tonight. For the first time, I want to scream at him to shut the hell up. I’m dressed and sitting at the table instead of hiding. For one moment in my life, I am doing just exactly as he wishes and yet he isn’t happy.

I’m going to the ball because it’s the only way I know to contact his Grace. My courage doesn’t extend to visiting his house. I’m not sure my courage will last long enough for me to tell him I have nothing to lose.

It’s been difficult to admit that fact to myself. It’s been heart wrenching and painful. Much like amputating a limb would be, I imagine. My family surrounds me, but I’m not a part of them. They are living their lives in the narrow confines of the society they love. I’m not living at all. I’m merely existing, pushed outside of their circle and watching them as if they were actors on stage, playing at being loving caring people.

Staring at my father, I feel a strange weight lift from my chest. All my life I feared losing his love and respect. Then I catch a glimpse of the marks on my back and I realize I never had them. He hates me and always has. Nothing I do will ever bring that back to me. Not once has a kind hand been held out to me. Not even my mother cares what happens to me. She turned her back on me the day I was born and has never looked at me since then.

A stinging slap captures my attention. Quickly I drop my gaze. My father sees any confidence in me as a direct challenge. Without thought, I run my finger over the angry marks on my wrist. My last desperate cry for some sort of acknowledgement. If not for my uncle, I would have bled to death and that is another reason why I feel some obligation to my uncle. Whether he knows of my affliction or not, he still welcomes me with some sort of warmth. My father would have mourned in public, but rejoiced in private at my death.

I tune him out as he begins his tirade. In my mind, I imagine Greyson’s face. I recreate the touch of his lips and the feel of his body against mine. How could such a man like the Duke suffer my touch?

Yet he revels in it and seems willing to do whatever he must to suffer my hands again. My soul hungers for his taste and heat. If I’m depraved and insane, I will wallow in my perversions with a glad heart as long as he is with me. His touch is kind and gentle. Though I have spent precious little time with him, he sees me for what I really am and he doesn’t turn from me. I long for him to embrace my lonely soul and show me that I’m not a freak. I want him to prove my father’s words wrong. I’m not the devil’s spawn. I won’t destroy everything I love. I can survive outside the cage they have forced me to live in.

Lord Greyson has given me the keys to my freedom with two kisses and a sad smile.

8 Responses “The Ball- Part Five”

  1. T.A.Chase says:

    it caught my attention when I looked at it.

    Thank you. Your writing is pretty awesome as well. So get to it.

  2. Paige Burns says:

    Damn: That pics hot.

    Damn: You’re writing is amazing!

  3. T.A.Chase says:

    Jenna..Angel is probably the saddest character I’ve written so far. I guess it’s because he’s been alone for so long and doesn’t know how to deal with anyone reaching out to him.

    And there’s a little bit of Angel in all of us, I believe. The thought that we’re not good enough for anyone to love.

  4. Jenna Howard says:

    These lines I won’t destroy everything I love. I can survive outside the cage they have forced me to live in. Lord Greyson has given me the keys to my freedom with two kisses and a sad smile. Sigh.

    All of it. Sigh. Angel breaks my heart. Made me shed a few tears. Sigh. Just…sigh.

  5. T.A.Chase says:

    Well…almost speechless is good, Sherrill. I looked for something that had a poignant (sp?) feel to it. the next installment, Angel gets a bit of surprise. 😉

  6. T.A.Chase says:

    Dug through my stash of pics, S.W. He does look good, doesn’t he?

    Yes, Angel is trying so desperately to break free. Maybe Greyson has finally given him a reason to. 🙂

  7. Sherrill Quinn says:

    TA, this is soooo good. Can’t wait for the next installment!

    And this pic…! Phew. Almost leaves me speechless. Almost. 🙂

  8. S. W. Vaughn says:

    Oooooh *sigh* this is so gorgeous, TA. Poor Angel… ((((hugs)))) my heart is breaking.

    Good God, where did you find that pic?! He looks almost like John Stamos only better.

    You have an incredible gift with words. Just awe-inspiring.

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