T. A. Chase

Poetry Train #73

I thought I’d share a scene from what will probably be the story I work on after the next Home book. 🙂 So it’s third in line on my list of Works in Progress…lol. It’s called Angel with a Dirty Face and I think it’s going to be very emotional…more along the lines of Angel’s Evolution. (in angst and everything.) I hope you enjoy it.

Excerpt:

“He’s gone.”

Baldwin couldn’t even act surprised at Marcia’s announcement. He had a feeling when he didn’t see or talk to Mackenzie for a couple days that the man had left. Resting his head against the window of his car, Baldwin stared out at the people walking through GVSU’s campus.

“Did he leave a note or anything?”

He pulled out his Tibetan prayer beads and started rubbing them through his fingers, trying to ease his worries away.

“Yes. It says that Jack wants Mac back.” Marcia sighed. “I’m sorry, Win.”

“It’s not your fault, Marcia honey. Jack was as much an addiction for Mackenzie as the drugs were. It’s only been six months. We shouldn’t have expected a miracle.”

Baldwin’s heart hurt. He understood addiction, having fought his own demons while traveling the world. He understood how the need pulled at you without mercy. You could be driven to the edge by wanting just one more hit of whatever your craving called for.

“What should we do?” Marcia’s voice caught on a sob.

He shrugged and realized she couldn’t see him. “Wait. Hope and prays he comes back on his own. If he doesn’t come home by the first of the year, I’ll go to find him.”

“That’s two months away, Win. I don’t want to wait that long. We could lose him for good this time.”

“Or we see what he decides.” He glanced at his watch. It was almost time for his class. Putting the beads away, he managed to get out of the car without dropping either the phone or his bag. He shut and locked the door, heading towards Mackinaw Hall. “I know it’s hard to stay away from him, sweetheart, but dragging him back here without his permission is just going to repeat the problem. He has to choose to come home and get better. All we can do is welcome him with open arms if he does return.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

The fear and pain in Marcia’s voice caused a little bit of anger at Mackenzie to race through Baldwin. Selfishness was another side-effect of addiction. Mackenzie wasn’t thinking about how his actions hurt Marcia. Baldwin skirted away from his own feelings. They weren’t important at the moment. He sat on a bench and let his shoulders slump.

“We go out to California and talk to him. We tell him how much we love him and that we don’t want him to destroy himself, but we let him make the decision on what to do. If he chooses Jack and the drugs, then we walk away because we can’t let his addiction destroy us as well.” He let go of his bag to scrub his hand over his face. “It’ll be the hardest thing either of us has ever done. It’ll break our hearts, but I’ve been where Mackenzie is, Marcia. I understand what’s driving him and I know that we can’t do it for him.”

Silence filled the phone line while Marcia thought about Baldwin’s advice. Her soft exhalation told Baldwin he’d won. Marcia would wait until the first of the year before rushing out to see her brother.

“I wish I could accept this all as easily as you do, Win. You’re so calm.”

His bitter laugh tore from him. “Calm? Why would you think I’m accepting of this, Marcia? I love Mackenzie, more than I have ever loved anyone in my life and he’s left me for a man who will hurt and use him. A man who doesn’t care anything about him.”

Tears welled in his eyes and he breathed deep to calm his racing heart. He was going to have to meditate tonight and figure out a compartment to put all his worry into so he could function in his every day life.

“I can’t let my worry and fear distract me from my own life. It might sound cold or unfeeling, but as much as I love Mackenzie, I can’t allow his addiction to become my obsession. I can’t do that anymore, Marcia. It’d kill me.”

“You’re right. Jim says the same thing about me.” Her voice dropped. “I’m scared, Win.”

“I know you are. I’m scared too, but remember, I’m only a phone call away or you can come see me. We can be scared together.” Another glance at his watch. “Shit. I have to go or I’ll be late for class. I’ll call you tonight when I get home. It might help for you to talk to someone who has been through what Mackenzie’s going through.”

“Thanks. I love you, Win and I know, deep down inside, Mac loves you as well. He’s just confused at the moment. Call me after ten.” Marcia hung up.

Baldwin closed his phone and tucked it in the side pocket of his bag. Standing, he made his way to his class. Yes, he knew Mackenzie loved him, but was what they were building together strong enough to combat the years of abuse/pleasure Mackenzie had gotten from Jack? Baldwin wasn’t sure that it was.

c.2008 copyrighted by T.A. Chase

Monday, September 29th, 2008, by and is filed under "Excerpts, Eye Candy, Poetry Train ". You can leave a response here, or send a Trackback from your own site.